Showing a lack of respect for people or things that are generally taken seriously is how irreverent is defined by Webster’s dictionary.
I mean no disrespect to the process of healing it’s the institution I think we need to question.
I have been the ride-along partner, the vigilant observer and general pain in the ass for the last 4 years on my mother’s healing journey.
Along the way I discovered I was on my own healing journey. In fact I’ve been on an unconscious healing and transformation quest since birth. The agent that made me conscious was cancer.
It took my mother’s cancer to slowly and I mean slowly bring me into conscious acceptance.
Suffering is not being able to accept what is. Agony is not being able to accept what is and embarking on a crusade to fix it.
That is suffering amplified.
As a crusader I hardened for battle and was going to fix the cancer with herbs, acupuncture, reiki, false positivity, and sheer will.
What I realized is you can’t will anything into being if you can’t first accept it, then surrender it, and here is the hardest part give thanks for it.
Irreverent healing, is radical acceptance, occasional rebellion against the norms, humor in the darkness, laughter through tears and big gratitude for it all.
I don’t have many gifts I can’t sew, sing or play tennis that well, but what I can offer is what I offered my mother. Love through words.
I wrote letters to my mother every week of her chemo. She said that one of the blessings of that year was the love letters. The blessing for me was sharing the love. Here in this space I hope to create space for healing, honesty,vulnerability, and love.
What I learned and what has helped me is the lesson that once we accept something we can re-frame the language, we can shift the way we see a situation and that is where we find gratitude. That is where we find courage and where we find love.
My gifts are few, but the few I have are strong. Below is my first letter to my mother. This space is my letter to anyone on a quest to end their suffering and find moments of joy along the way. It’s for anyone who needs a place to be a little rebellious, question the norm, follow curiosity and infuse the world with a little irreverence.
On the eve of this sucky occasion I don't know what to do. So, I will give thanks. I will give thanks that this thing called cancer has spread its tentacles and wrapped all of our hearts in its grasp and drawn us back to one another. I hate it! But I will love that it’s bringing us back together as our original unit. All the past is now the past and the present is love.
I have a hard time coming to terms with tomorrow.
My mother can not have cancer.
I have a hard time living in a reality where this is true, where chemo, surgery, hair loss and chemicals are now in our vocabulary.
So, I propose we create our own world where love, compassion, empathy and forgiveness dominate. Tomorrow that port will not be filled with chemicals, but instead at 10:45 the people who love you most will fill you with love, compassion, strength, fortitude and courage. Everyone who loves you will think of you, but the three of us, the three who love you most, will hold you in our embrace and send you LOVE.
Tomorrow imagine you are being infused with the love of your children and grandchildren. We are fighters and our love comes infused with passion, belief and courage of fighters, We have learned strength from you. We have learned love from you. It's our turn to give back what you have given to us.
So on the eve of this sucky occasion I will give thanks for my mother the bee charmer who will win! Tomorrow will not be sucky but a day where love is sent and received and we will pause and give thanks for our mother, one another and the pleasure of being bound together as a family unit.
I love you three and I believe the bond we have can kick cancers ass. So, let's do this.
Love you,
Rach
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