SCUMBAG


Scumbag.


I’ve never been called one to my face that I can recall, however, I can now add that to my list of titles: mother, wife, daughter, teacher, friend, business owner, and a scumbag.


I’m going to take a minute and just say I’m exhausted with this behavior.


Why do we believe we have the right to attack another human being because they won’t bend to our will?


Why when we are met with boundaries do we believe we can get what we want by degrading and dehumanizing another person?


When did it become normal to be so unkind?


It’s been a rough week. My kids who are 10 and 7 along with their friends who are 9 and 11 made a lemonade stand in the front yard. The neighbors were so kind and supportive. They bought lemonade, helped make signs, and offered Gatorade mix to sell when the lemonade ran out.


Then a couple of neighborhood bullies swung by and broke one of the kid's eyeglasses and slammed him to the ground.


My kids are now afraid to be in their front yard.


I’m frustrated.


When did this become normal to be so unkind?


Today a client didn’t get what they wanted.


We do not offer the service they wanted, we could not do it. They verbally abused our staff. Then when I called they verbally abused me.


I didn’t mind being called a scumbag so much.


What I minded is that the person would not listen.


There was no dialogue or exchange of ideas. It was screaming, attacking, and then hanging up.


There was no resolution because there was no conversation.


How can we solve a problem if we won’t engage or listen to one another?


We may not agree, but we have to be willing to listen to one another.


We have to have hard conversations.


When we shout over one another or avoid the conversation because we are afraid the other person will be unkind. We are doing everyone a disservice.


We are not offering a path to a resolution we are just creating chaos and hostility.


I made myself have the conversation with the parent once I realized how unkind I was being. I was talking about another human’s behavior without their knowledge.


I had the conversation in what I hope was a kind manner. The parent was kind.


What we all want is to raise kind humans.


When did it become normal to be so unkind?


When we stopped modeling kindness.


Doing the right thing is often not easy. It can be hard, uncomfortable, and make you feel squirmy.


My Achilles heel is confrontation. I avoid it at all costs.


Lately, the universe seems to be intent on teaching me a lesson. It is digging my ostrich self out of the sand and saying no it’s time to face this.


It’s time to confront and deal with yourself.


Of all the lessons I’m learning confrontation ranks high on the list as my least favorite and most painful.


It also is unfortunately the only way forward.


Once you clear the muck and quiet the blame and shame you can let it go.


In order to give up what no longer serves you. You have to face it.


So, while today I don’t believe I’ve done anything worthy of the scumbag title.


I certainly have worn that crown in the past.


I am grateful for the gift of forgiveness.


All of those who are willing to forgive my scumbag self I owe a huge debt of gratitude to.


Their forgiveness taught me kindness.


When did it become normal to be so unkind?


It becomes normal when we forget who we are.


We are flawed humans who must practice empathy and forgiveness if we want to change our current state of being.


The world is not inherently unkind.


Humans are not inherently unkind.


What we are is hurting.


How do we become kind?


Embrace our scumbag selves. Practice empathy. Practice forgiveness.


Model kindness even when it's uncomfortable. Especially when it’s uncomfortable.


When did it become normal to be so unkind?


It didn’t. It isn’t.


Listen. Confront. Forgive. Empathize


Practice.


Forever.